Had a Very Difficult Day Yesterday!

It started when it was time to get Cameron off of his bus! He jumped into the front seat and started messing around with the steering wheel and refused to get out! Then Christie and I finally got him out of the van, then he ran to Christie's car and got in and wouldn't get out! So we were trying to get him in his seat so she could take him to the park but that didn't work. He started to have a major meltdown, kicking, spitting inside the car. He actually kicked me in the face which hurt by the way! Then we was fighting the both of us to an extent we both were exhausted and it scared the hell out of me. He was so distraught, like he was possessed. It took us over an hour to calm him down, then he was normal cameron. Scary thing to go through and I tell you one thing, parents that complain about their children and their "normal" needs to take my son for 1 day and they would be thankful for their "normal" kids. Sometimes I feel like I am being punished for something I have done in the past and just can't figure out why me. Sometimes I hate my life, what I have to go through on a daily basis, it is SO HARD. I cried on the phone to my boyfriend, Cameron's dad....

Lets just say I had a very difficult night and I am drained today! Might go run later on, just too worn out right now and feel run down. I need a hug.

Today is Autism Awareness Day!

Today is Autism Awareness Day! CNN is running specials all day on this issue and if you would like to share your story please go to Robin Meades Page and there is a link! I posted a comment referring to our struggle with this disorder. I am very proud that FINALLY, it has its time in the News! It is also a shame, because that means more and more children are being diagnosed with some form of Autism. It affects more families than you realize, 1 out of every 150 children and born autistic and 1 out of every 90 boys are diagnosed. It is even more important for us, adults and parents to be healthy so we can give our children a fighting chance at living a normal life! That is what I am doing. I have the best combo, because with God and BFL by my side, I have been able to make it through some of the most difficult times in my life and I continue to be a stronger person and parent for my son, Cameron. Our children are the future and we need to have our bodies and minds as strong as they can be to do our job and leave the strongest legacy that we can so they can survive and thrive! God Bless

I can't believe I am posting this but here I go!

Well these are the photos and trust me when
I say that I did not want to post them but
I am putting myself out there and saying 18lbs
does make a difference! I can tell in my stomach
especially and my hips but the challenge that I
started today with Craig will get me even closer to
reaching my goal and that is to wear a size 10. I have
so many beautiful dresses that I want to wear on the
cruise that I WILL REACH THAT GOAL. Right now
I am wearing size 12/14 depending on who makes the
clothes but I will pass size 12 and get to size 10! Then
Craig and I plan on doing another one after the cruise!
I am so excited that I found someone that enjoys and
believes in BFL as much as I do! We can do it!

Final Grades and GPA!

Well my Bachelor Degree is over and I got a B- in Pre-calculus and a B in my Abnormal Psychology class so I am good to go! My GPA is 3.70 for my entire Bachelor Degree Plan! Not too shabby, think I made one of those special funny name smart groups! lol! Well I didn't get to spend the entire weekend with Craig but he did come over on Friday night and stayed over and he had to go to work first thing in the morning but it was nice to see him again! He is such a sweety and he is willing to learn more about Cameron so that is encouraging. We took our photos yesterday for our up coming challenge that we will do together and we both have work to do! I am watching reruns of the Biggest Loser and will hopefully get to bed at a decent time tonight! Later Gators!

Onto my Next Chapter in my Life!

Well I got a phone call from my academic advisor with University of Phoenix. That is who I will be getting my Master's Degree in Early Childhood Education with. It will be cross-catergorical so I will deal with a lot of different types of children with difficulties, not just autism. I am hoping this will help me deal with Cameron's issues and help us make our lives better! Completed the enrollment online with his help, updated my federal funding loan application, printed alot of documents off and filled them out, requested a transcript from Pensacola Jr, College so I CAN GRADUATE! Darn IT!

Then Mom and I went out for dinner, LOVED IT, then came home and did yard work, I mowed the grass and raked all the leaves and dumped them in the gulley, then mom trimmed the hedges in front of the house and the yard looks alot better. So we got alot done today and that felt great! Craig is coming over tomorrow night but needs to work this weekend so atleast I will get to see him tomorrow for alittle while!

I've DONE IT! I've Completed my Bachelor Degree!

YES YES YES! Feel like celebrating! I am DONE! So glad it is over! My final grade for PreCalculus was a 80.7 so it wasn't an A but I am good with this, heck it was almost the hardest class I have ever taken online! But again it is over and I am DONE! Now I can say that I am the ONLY PERSON in at least 10 generations or even more in the history of my family that has received an Associates Degree, let alone a Bachelor Degree in Human Resource Management! Yeah me, I am SO PROUD OF MYSELF and so is my boyfriend! Now I can concentrate on Craig and Cameron, the two men in my life and it feels great! Thank you God!

Craig's New Car! Ouch it is SWEEEEEEEEET!

Craig bought a Brand New 2008 5 speed Ford Mustang on Thursday! He brought it over on Friday Night after work and it is SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET! I have already drove it 3 times already and YES YES YES, it ROCKS! YEAH ME! LOL! We had so much fun this weekend, it was nice to see him again! Ok here is the front shot!


The BACK SHOT! NICE!
And a Picture of my HONEY!

Now remember, this guy is 6 FT 5in tall! He is a big feller! SWEEEEEEEEEET!

Ok Update time!

Craig and I have decided to spend the entire weekend together and that includes my son, Cameron. He is coming by after work and spending the entire weekend with us! I am so excited. He is also driving his new car down here, 2008 8 cylinder Ford Mustang, SWEEEEEEEETTTT!
And OF COURSE, I get to DRIVE IT! You know what the best part is, ITS A 5 SPEED! OH YEAH BABY!!!!!!!! I love me some muscle cars!!! Oh yeah, back to the Man! lol. We are going to the gym Saturday Morning, then hitting the town, I want to go eat at Red Lobster for free day, will have to be out of Greensboro, since Asheboro hasn't made it up to speed yet! lol.. But that is ok, I had to get a babysitter and what the best part is, Craig offered to pay for the babysitting! He said it wasn't fair for me to pump out all that money and he was hogging me up! He is one of a kind..just too damn sweet. He is also bringing his drill so he can start on the "honey to do list" around my house! ha ha! I do actually have a few things that need to be done,,,, ummmm! lol! Well Completed last test in Psychology and made the highest score of all the test prior! How funny, now only one Precalculus test left and I AM DONE! PARTY TIME! Can't wait to see him again, later gaters, I FINALLY HAVE A LIFE! Yeah me!

Another Great Date with Craig!

I drove over to see him today and we had a blast! What a sweetheart, we talked about Bodyforlife, the cruise and then went to lunch at this great little diner and they made great salads. Then he took me to his job and showed me where he worked, big place,,, of course it has to be if he is to build turbine engines..... then we visited his gym, which is a monster of a gym, I loved it, and they even train kids for gymnastics,, it was another great day! This man puts a smile on my face! Can't wait to see him again.

My Date was AWESOME!

Well it didn't start out great but it ended great! He is so tall and big, OMG! He is 6ft 5in tall and just a big man! His left foot has been giving him problems, something about his tendon but he is totally for BFL and knows everything about it! Lives and breaths it! I said, THANK YOU GOD! I think I hit a homerun with this guy! He has such a huge heart... He can't wait to get back into shape and we are doing a challenge together starting the end of this month, after mine is finished and he wants to go on the CRUISE WITH ME! Yeah me! I am so excited I can't wait! Anyway to the date, he was late, like 2 hours because he went to help his buddy look at a car, his friend was in Detroit and the car, well it was in Raleigh and so Craig went to look at it and talk to his friend on the phone and kind of negotiate for him, well it went WAY TOO LONG. He was suppose to be here at 1030 so we could drive to Greensboro and get lunch, take our time, talk, do whatever we want! So I called at 11:20 and asked him if he was coming and he explained that he was helping his friend and it ran way too long, more than he expected and I guessed he could hear the dissappointment in my voice and I have no patience for a man that wants to play with the boys vice go out with me. But he was helping a friend and it ran way too long, so I know he was trying to do a good thing, but darn it, that was messing up my night! lol....There is a time and place for everything, so in the matter of 10 minutes he was OUT OF THERE and on the road to my house! LOL! It turned out to be the BEST DATE EVER! I would not have missed it for the world. So sweet, endearing, honest, funny and down right huge! I love a big man! I can't wait until we both get back into shape, he is so handsome, even being a little on the heavy side but he sure CAN KISS! YEAH ME! I can't wait to see him again.

Its hard to find the right one!

I am getting excited but trying not to let it control every emotion or thought that I am having like I am a teenager. I remember those days, when you think you "found the right one" and they turn out to be a jerk and cheat on you or something like that... but this one is a little more mature and older so I am hoping that won't happen. We are going to meet at a local restraurant next Wednesday. I am excited and nervous all at the same time but I welcome it. I am hoping for once, it is my time. Oh yeah, one more thing, hope he is willing to accept Cameron as he is! Well we will see! Cross your fingers and say a prayer!

Udenia's Mistery Dish! YUMMO!

SUPA FREAK! You have got to try this one! YUMMO! I was tired and just threw this together and it was YUMMO! Probably will add to it later on, after eating it!

Turkey Breast basted in Sundried Tomato (already cooked and wrapped in grocery)

chop it up!

1/2 cup drained tomatoes

1/2 cup Chick Peas (very high in fiber and protein)

4 green onions

1 jalapeno

fresh garlic to taste

black pepper to taste

salt to taste

Be Positive, Stay Motivated and REST MY BODY!

Well I have been sick and trying to fight it for about a week and I gave in because I decided my body needed a rest and really give it a shot to "KICK" it! Once and for all! Well on Saturday, I weighed and measured and after 6 weeks I am down 14lbs and 8 inches! So all in all I say the REST did my body good! 6 More weeks to go!

My Life Stinks-But On Positive Note Im Breathing!

Trying to keep it positive! LOL! Well I am in a financial Spiral,,, and it is going down OUT OF CONTROL! Trying to maintain a certain level of positivity but not looking good. You know when you get your taxes, Your suppose to be happy but this year I was pissed off! I am getting only 1/2 of what I was planning on, so no paying the credit card down, and no paying ahead on my car or consolidation loan! CRAP! And the worst of all I am still going to try to go ON THE BFL CRUISE! That is what UPSET me the most! It is STUPID for me to spend that money on a cruise and not be able to pay my bills so I am going to try to do what I can, not go crazy and still see if I can make it! As of today I am -60 in one bank account and -35 in another bank account. My main bank decided to take money out of my account and transfer it over to pay 1/2 of a loan payment which is late but that I was going to pay on the 19th when my tax return was due to come in,,, but THEY DID THIS without my authorization and 4 checks bounced and of course they charged me a returned check fee for each and every check@ Oh Yeah, they got a piece of my mind and I got a piece of their ass! Yes I cursed, I am mad! Forgive me ok! The hits keep coming.... But they said it is my fault? How is it my fault, I had the money in the bank to cover my bills, I knew I was going to be late with the 1 bill which happened to be theres... but THEY DECIDE to take money, ALL MONEY in my account and transfer it over,, and leave NOTHING in my account,, so everything bounces! I have officially transferred my direct deposit over to another bank and told them that I am done with them, I will only have enough money in the bank to cover the payments for their loans, no more, no less! Now THEY CAN SUCK IT UP! They have lost a customer after 22 years! They have made my life miserable this past 2 weeks and I can't explain the stress and worry it gives to someone to worry about money, let alone when you know you only have 1/10 gas left in your car, -$60 in one account, and -$35 in another,,,,, and you only get paid once a month! I know you don't want in my shoes! But no one does! So when my tax return gets in the bank, I will catch my bills up, get groceries, and leave the rest alone.... I am concentrating on getting back into shape this year, can't afford to do anything else! I still want to go on on the cruise and if I don't make it, please know that I did try!I don't think that anyone really reads my blog,,, hardly have any comments, so it really doesn't matter, I am thinking it is just therapy for me anyways. :)-

Time to Face the Music, Financially anyway!

Well it is time, to face the music financially anyway. As soon as I get my tax return, I will need to sit down and determine what will it take for me to live for the next 3 months without working, and attending college full time, raise my son which means, feed and clothed him... and then maybe go on the cruise! I have already put my deposit down but since I have to pay my momt o come down, it causes more financially strain on my accounts.. so we shall see but I may have to grow up and realize I can't fly around the world and keep my world afloat here! So I will need to be able to pay $1,100 house payment for April, May, June and utilities as well which is electricty, water and fireplace gas for the logs. Food, gas for the car and lunch money for Cameron. Gym fees which are only $20, loan payments, credit card payments and car insurance and cameron's life insurance. So it will take me all night to figure up the numbers and I have a feeling it won't be something that I want to see but I might have to face, that I might NOT be able to go, FINANCIALLY.. Not that I don't want to go,,, but I didn't get back as much as I thought I was from tax return as I originally thought so that is out the window and would have to make it up some other way, but I will leave my deposit to see if something else comes up! I can't only pray about it!

Caught a Cough and Body Ache!

Got the fever under control, haven't had one since early yesterday so that is cool, but I still have this nagging cough and I am sneezing up a storm. Paid to have someone come and take Cameron today to get him out of the house and it is free day for me, so I am running to the store picking up a nice steak for myself and a big baked potato which I will have for supper and "Pro-Bowl" but I am resting it up today, have to be better tomorrow, because next week is a full plate as far as workouts! Time to Step it up a notch, add more weights and increase the cardio! We will see what happens so I am resting today! Wish me luck!

My SON BIT ME TODAY!

I can not believe it, I tried to get my son to go and POTTY because he came home from School early because HE IS SICK and that means he isn't going to SCHOOL TOMORROW and this makes the 4th TIME! AND HE BIT ME. Brought blood to the surface of my arm and it HURT! He has came home on a Thursday and will take a 4 days off, LUCK FOR THE DARN SCHOOL huh? I almost feel like they do it on purpose because they can't handle him and so they SEND HIM HOME, then it messes my whole darn flippin schedule, school, my college exams, my workouts, EVERYTHING! But again, it DOESNT MATTER because the only people that it affects is myself and my son! No one else and as I said before, there is no one else here! God is upstairs! I need him to come downstairs and help me out here!
08 FEB 08
Friday morning, actually Thursday Night MIDNIGHT, Cameron wakes up and doesn't go back to sleep, THAT'S RIGHT! HE is UP THE REST OF THE NIGHT! SWIRMING, HUMPING the BED, THROWING THE COVERS UP AND DOWN, YELLING, PEE, PEE across the room so I would get up and then he would run, so he did that one too many times and I RUNG HIM UP! He didn't like that crap too much but it is 2 AM, I am WIPED OUT, and he is WIRED FOR SOUND! WHERE IS THE OFF BUTTON! MY DAY IS GOING TO SUCK but I have to make the best of it, just hoping to make it through my college exam, and workout today!

FOOTBALL SPREAD for SUPERBOWL SUNDAY!

This is what I had laid out for SUPERBOWL SUNDAY!

On top left was Beer Ribs, then Parmesean Potato

Pancakes, then Shrimp, Spinach and Artichoke Dip and

of course the Frittatas! My spread was a HIT!

Stay Positive and Produce Positive Results!

This blog is my outlet because as most of you know, there are not a lot of people around for me to talk too lately and from my last post, I had ALOT to get off my chest and the truth of the matter, is that I don't like being ugly period. I am a good person, goofy, funny and fun loving but stress and all that life brings with it gets to everyone once in awhile, me, more than that especially when you are living in a house with an autistic child, taking Pre-Calculus and trying to get back into shape! So I started from, hating myself and begging God to cure my son, to asking God to give me the tools to help myself and my son but I did realize that I did NEED HELP! I can't do this on my own, never could. I needed his help and I got another whisper from him today. I went to the gym for a Body Pump class at the local gym that I joined in order to get OUT OF THE HOUSE and the instructor was not a bodybuilder by no means, just a normal person, probably in ALOT better shape inside than me, but normal and she ended up talking to me afterwards and sending that "whisper from God" that I needed to hear! thought that was so cool! She told me to create my own "second family" with people in the area and that I what I am going to do.

Ok on to fitness! I have lost 10lbs so far and I am in week 5! I am hoping to pull out 1 more lb before the end of this week so I can say I've lost 11lbs but I am not going to push my luck just the workout! I want to get below 200lbs before the end of this challenge so the next challenge I can reach my goal weight. which I was at the end of my last challenge in 2006! I AM ALMOST THERE! Then it is on toward the CHALLENGE FOR THE CRUISE! I want to win my $$ back!

PRAY and STAY POSITIVE, there is NOTHING I CAN'T DO!

I am so Mad, Feel like SCREAMING!

Sometimes I ask myself WHY DID I MOVE BACK TO NC, or better yet? ASHEBORO? To be closer to my family? Friends? Yeah Right? Where are they? I really only have one set of friends and they actually HAVE a LIFE, which usually doesn't involve me, and that is not there fault, but leaves me out a lot of the time. As far as my family, WHO? My dad lives in Tennessee and I have actually seen them more than my 1/2 sister which lives only 20 minutes away and that is a shame, but AGAIN, they actually have a life. Want me to come over for a visit, but they fail to Cameron proof their house and I end up chasing my son the whole entire time, and getting Up and DOWN every 2 sec running after him, so I DONT GET TO VISIT,,,,, so I don't go anymore! Do they understand? Probably NOT! I feel left out, I actually did not even know that my 2 niece's had their birthdays these past 2 months! I wasn't able to do anything for them but as I see, they don't need anything from me, they have it all anyway or it seems, I mean since no one bothered to tell me about their birthdays! Then there's My brother, PLEASE, whatever, I haven't spoken to him in years and really don't care anymore. He doesn't even tell mom he loves her or can gather enough energy to send her a mother's day card or birthday card in the past 10 years so he has written us both off but I sent Jessica and kendric, his kids, my niece and nephew both $20 and X-mas card this year and did not even get a phone call from them, NOTHING! Here I am in Asheboro, pretty much by myself, trying to raise this autistic child, sometimes feels like I am LOSING THE BATTLE with him. Sometimes I feel sorry for myself but today I was PISSED OFF, mad at the world, MAD AT MY friends for not being there, MAD at my MOM for not being able to come up more, MAD at SOMEONE, ANYONE but there is NO ONE HERE! Mad at his DAD for not having to deal with this shit at least SOME OF THE TIME, MAD at him because HE gets to go out on a DATE once in awhile, MAD at him because he gets to SLEEP IN and ROLL OVER IN THE MORNING? Me, FORGET IT, who the hell is going to put up with what I have to deal with? NO ONE! Not many people will even stay longer than 1 hour for a visit, oh, I have to go,,,, YEAH, I BET!! He "WHOEVER" he is, better be shipped via UPS directly from HEAVEN because otherwise, it isn't going to happen. It is funny, if your child is sick with something, whether it is a disease or injury, family/friends come by,. try and help out, give you a BREAK but when it comes to AUTISM, you can hear a FLIPPING PIN DROP and a BIRD FART at 10,000 feet in the air, because people just don't know how to fuc*** HANDLE IT and I want to HATE EVERYONE for it! Right now as I try to type this, My son is JUMPING UP and DOWN, GRINDING his FLIPPING TEETH, and of course that is after he had thrown his entire toy box ALL OVER THE FLIPPING FLOOR and ONE MELTDOWN LATER and NO I haven't had time to do the SMILEY FACE CHART YET!