Its hard to find the right one!

I am getting excited but trying not to let it control every emotion or thought that I am having like I am a teenager. I remember those days, when you think you "found the right one" and they turn out to be a jerk and cheat on you or something like that... but this one is a little more mature and older so I am hoping that won't happen. We are going to meet at a local restraurant next Wednesday. I am excited and nervous all at the same time but I welcome it. I am hoping for once, it is my time. Oh yeah, one more thing, hope he is willing to accept Cameron as he is! Well we will see! Cross your fingers and say a prayer!

Udenia's Mistery Dish! YUMMO!

SUPA FREAK! You have got to try this one! YUMMO! I was tired and just threw this together and it was YUMMO! Probably will add to it later on, after eating it!

Turkey Breast basted in Sundried Tomato (already cooked and wrapped in grocery)

chop it up!

1/2 cup drained tomatoes

1/2 cup Chick Peas (very high in fiber and protein)

4 green onions

1 jalapeno

fresh garlic to taste

black pepper to taste

salt to taste

Be Positive, Stay Motivated and REST MY BODY!

Well I have been sick and trying to fight it for about a week and I gave in because I decided my body needed a rest and really give it a shot to "KICK" it! Once and for all! Well on Saturday, I weighed and measured and after 6 weeks I am down 14lbs and 8 inches! So all in all I say the REST did my body good! 6 More weeks to go!

My Life Stinks-But On Positive Note Im Breathing!

Trying to keep it positive! LOL! Well I am in a financial Spiral,,, and it is going down OUT OF CONTROL! Trying to maintain a certain level of positivity but not looking good. You know when you get your taxes, Your suppose to be happy but this year I was pissed off! I am getting only 1/2 of what I was planning on, so no paying the credit card down, and no paying ahead on my car or consolidation loan! CRAP! And the worst of all I am still going to try to go ON THE BFL CRUISE! That is what UPSET me the most! It is STUPID for me to spend that money on a cruise and not be able to pay my bills so I am going to try to do what I can, not go crazy and still see if I can make it! As of today I am -60 in one bank account and -35 in another bank account. My main bank decided to take money out of my account and transfer it over to pay 1/2 of a loan payment which is late but that I was going to pay on the 19th when my tax return was due to come in,,, but THEY DID THIS without my authorization and 4 checks bounced and of course they charged me a returned check fee for each and every check@ Oh Yeah, they got a piece of my mind and I got a piece of their ass! Yes I cursed, I am mad! Forgive me ok! The hits keep coming.... But they said it is my fault? How is it my fault, I had the money in the bank to cover my bills, I knew I was going to be late with the 1 bill which happened to be theres... but THEY DECIDE to take money, ALL MONEY in my account and transfer it over,, and leave NOTHING in my account,, so everything bounces! I have officially transferred my direct deposit over to another bank and told them that I am done with them, I will only have enough money in the bank to cover the payments for their loans, no more, no less! Now THEY CAN SUCK IT UP! They have lost a customer after 22 years! They have made my life miserable this past 2 weeks and I can't explain the stress and worry it gives to someone to worry about money, let alone when you know you only have 1/10 gas left in your car, -$60 in one account, and -$35 in another,,,,, and you only get paid once a month! I know you don't want in my shoes! But no one does! So when my tax return gets in the bank, I will catch my bills up, get groceries, and leave the rest alone.... I am concentrating on getting back into shape this year, can't afford to do anything else! I still want to go on on the cruise and if I don't make it, please know that I did try!I don't think that anyone really reads my blog,,, hardly have any comments, so it really doesn't matter, I am thinking it is just therapy for me anyways. :)-

Time to Face the Music, Financially anyway!

Well it is time, to face the music financially anyway. As soon as I get my tax return, I will need to sit down and determine what will it take for me to live for the next 3 months without working, and attending college full time, raise my son which means, feed and clothed him... and then maybe go on the cruise! I have already put my deposit down but since I have to pay my momt o come down, it causes more financially strain on my accounts.. so we shall see but I may have to grow up and realize I can't fly around the world and keep my world afloat here! So I will need to be able to pay $1,100 house payment for April, May, June and utilities as well which is electricty, water and fireplace gas for the logs. Food, gas for the car and lunch money for Cameron. Gym fees which are only $20, loan payments, credit card payments and car insurance and cameron's life insurance. So it will take me all night to figure up the numbers and I have a feeling it won't be something that I want to see but I might have to face, that I might NOT be able to go, FINANCIALLY.. Not that I don't want to go,,, but I didn't get back as much as I thought I was from tax return as I originally thought so that is out the window and would have to make it up some other way, but I will leave my deposit to see if something else comes up! I can't only pray about it!

Caught a Cough and Body Ache!

Got the fever under control, haven't had one since early yesterday so that is cool, but I still have this nagging cough and I am sneezing up a storm. Paid to have someone come and take Cameron today to get him out of the house and it is free day for me, so I am running to the store picking up a nice steak for myself and a big baked potato which I will have for supper and "Pro-Bowl" but I am resting it up today, have to be better tomorrow, because next week is a full plate as far as workouts! Time to Step it up a notch, add more weights and increase the cardio! We will see what happens so I am resting today! Wish me luck!

My SON BIT ME TODAY!

I can not believe it, I tried to get my son to go and POTTY because he came home from School early because HE IS SICK and that means he isn't going to SCHOOL TOMORROW and this makes the 4th TIME! AND HE BIT ME. Brought blood to the surface of my arm and it HURT! He has came home on a Thursday and will take a 4 days off, LUCK FOR THE DARN SCHOOL huh? I almost feel like they do it on purpose because they can't handle him and so they SEND HIM HOME, then it messes my whole darn flippin schedule, school, my college exams, my workouts, EVERYTHING! But again, it DOESNT MATTER because the only people that it affects is myself and my son! No one else and as I said before, there is no one else here! God is upstairs! I need him to come downstairs and help me out here!
08 FEB 08
Friday morning, actually Thursday Night MIDNIGHT, Cameron wakes up and doesn't go back to sleep, THAT'S RIGHT! HE is UP THE REST OF THE NIGHT! SWIRMING, HUMPING the BED, THROWING THE COVERS UP AND DOWN, YELLING, PEE, PEE across the room so I would get up and then he would run, so he did that one too many times and I RUNG HIM UP! He didn't like that crap too much but it is 2 AM, I am WIPED OUT, and he is WIRED FOR SOUND! WHERE IS THE OFF BUTTON! MY DAY IS GOING TO SUCK but I have to make the best of it, just hoping to make it through my college exam, and workout today!

FOOTBALL SPREAD for SUPERBOWL SUNDAY!

This is what I had laid out for SUPERBOWL SUNDAY!

On top left was Beer Ribs, then Parmesean Potato

Pancakes, then Shrimp, Spinach and Artichoke Dip and

of course the Frittatas! My spread was a HIT!

Stay Positive and Produce Positive Results!

This blog is my outlet because as most of you know, there are not a lot of people around for me to talk too lately and from my last post, I had ALOT to get off my chest and the truth of the matter, is that I don't like being ugly period. I am a good person, goofy, funny and fun loving but stress and all that life brings with it gets to everyone once in awhile, me, more than that especially when you are living in a house with an autistic child, taking Pre-Calculus and trying to get back into shape! So I started from, hating myself and begging God to cure my son, to asking God to give me the tools to help myself and my son but I did realize that I did NEED HELP! I can't do this on my own, never could. I needed his help and I got another whisper from him today. I went to the gym for a Body Pump class at the local gym that I joined in order to get OUT OF THE HOUSE and the instructor was not a bodybuilder by no means, just a normal person, probably in ALOT better shape inside than me, but normal and she ended up talking to me afterwards and sending that "whisper from God" that I needed to hear! thought that was so cool! She told me to create my own "second family" with people in the area and that I what I am going to do.

Ok on to fitness! I have lost 10lbs so far and I am in week 5! I am hoping to pull out 1 more lb before the end of this week so I can say I've lost 11lbs but I am not going to push my luck just the workout! I want to get below 200lbs before the end of this challenge so the next challenge I can reach my goal weight. which I was at the end of my last challenge in 2006! I AM ALMOST THERE! Then it is on toward the CHALLENGE FOR THE CRUISE! I want to win my $$ back!

PRAY and STAY POSITIVE, there is NOTHING I CAN'T DO!

I am so Mad, Feel like SCREAMING!

Sometimes I ask myself WHY DID I MOVE BACK TO NC, or better yet? ASHEBORO? To be closer to my family? Friends? Yeah Right? Where are they? I really only have one set of friends and they actually HAVE a LIFE, which usually doesn't involve me, and that is not there fault, but leaves me out a lot of the time. As far as my family, WHO? My dad lives in Tennessee and I have actually seen them more than my 1/2 sister which lives only 20 minutes away and that is a shame, but AGAIN, they actually have a life. Want me to come over for a visit, but they fail to Cameron proof their house and I end up chasing my son the whole entire time, and getting Up and DOWN every 2 sec running after him, so I DONT GET TO VISIT,,,,, so I don't go anymore! Do they understand? Probably NOT! I feel left out, I actually did not even know that my 2 niece's had their birthdays these past 2 months! I wasn't able to do anything for them but as I see, they don't need anything from me, they have it all anyway or it seems, I mean since no one bothered to tell me about their birthdays! Then there's My brother, PLEASE, whatever, I haven't spoken to him in years and really don't care anymore. He doesn't even tell mom he loves her or can gather enough energy to send her a mother's day card or birthday card in the past 10 years so he has written us both off but I sent Jessica and kendric, his kids, my niece and nephew both $20 and X-mas card this year and did not even get a phone call from them, NOTHING! Here I am in Asheboro, pretty much by myself, trying to raise this autistic child, sometimes feels like I am LOSING THE BATTLE with him. Sometimes I feel sorry for myself but today I was PISSED OFF, mad at the world, MAD AT MY friends for not being there, MAD at my MOM for not being able to come up more, MAD at SOMEONE, ANYONE but there is NO ONE HERE! Mad at his DAD for not having to deal with this shit at least SOME OF THE TIME, MAD at him because HE gets to go out on a DATE once in awhile, MAD at him because he gets to SLEEP IN and ROLL OVER IN THE MORNING? Me, FORGET IT, who the hell is going to put up with what I have to deal with? NO ONE! Not many people will even stay longer than 1 hour for a visit, oh, I have to go,,,, YEAH, I BET!! He "WHOEVER" he is, better be shipped via UPS directly from HEAVEN because otherwise, it isn't going to happen. It is funny, if your child is sick with something, whether it is a disease or injury, family/friends come by,. try and help out, give you a BREAK but when it comes to AUTISM, you can hear a FLIPPING PIN DROP and a BIRD FART at 10,000 feet in the air, because people just don't know how to fuc*** HANDLE IT and I want to HATE EVERYONE for it! Right now as I try to type this, My son is JUMPING UP and DOWN, GRINDING his FLIPPING TEETH, and of course that is after he had thrown his entire toy box ALL OVER THE FLIPPING FLOOR and ONE MELTDOWN LATER and NO I haven't had time to do the SMILEY FACE CHART YET!

Son is having Anger Issues and I am trying to go on BFL Cruise!

Lord Help Me! Last night and this morning, and pretty much everyday, if I say something he doesn't like he will push me! A 5 year old, most of the time I grab his arms and tell him in a really firm voice, We DO NOT PUSH, HIT, whatever... and for the most part, I don't think it works except when I hold his hands and sit him on the floor. He doesn't like to be restraint.

But on the other hand, I made a decision yesterday to go on the BFL cruise. I went on the 2006 one and had a BLAST! and I want to go again! This time, I will be officially retired from the Navy and will be a civilian! I am putting my deposit down, I just hope I can find a babysitter because I really, really, really want to go!

And the Hits Keep Coming!

2AM came way too early this morning after I just got hm to sleep around 8:30pm. After what we both went through last night I expected him to sleep like a log all night, I was wrong. He woke up at 11:00 and I put him back in his bed, atleast I won that little battle, but it was short lived, then he woke back up at 2:00am and NEVER WENT BACK TO SLEEP! WHAT? So he laid in my bed and swirmed, played with his trains, grind his teeth, and pushed all the covers to the bottom of the bed! But I managed to keep the lights off and I was hoping it would hit him that it was still night time and night time is for sleeping but it didn't work, so I lost that battle, I am going to be wiped today. Going back to bed this morning for a few hours, then working out!

Prayed to God for Him to STOP!

I thought my day was going to get a little better when I found out that I would be getting some additional help with my son on the days I wasn't getting RESPITE but then when the lady left that came today, my son was WIRED FOR SOUND. Bouncing off the walls and it was 7:30, by that time he should at the least be calmed down by all the meds he was given and watching his TV and slowly going to sleep but oh no, he was throwing everything, so spitting mad, he was SPITTING LOUDLY, THROWING EVERYTHING IN HIS ROOM. I went up there first calmly, and tried to calm him down, didn't work, he wanted a COOKIE, and because I didn't give in, "he didn't finish his chicken nuggets and green beans" he threw his nuggets across the room, then he threw his Rescue Heroes Station across the room and hit the wall, probably the only one in the house that DOESN'T have a hole in it, OH WELL not now! That's it! I am NOT letting him do this, so I jerked him up and put his little butt on the bed, then I tried to talk to him, and this is what I got!

I got kicked, I got punched, I got spit on, over and over and over! For about 5 minutes, then I decided to put some of my weight on him to help calm him down, oh, then he starts CRYING. and screaming, "GOOD BOY, GOOD BOY, GOOD BOY, BLUE, BLUE, BLUE, COOKIE, COOKIE, COOKIE, over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over for at least 20 minutes and I think after that last kick I started praying to GOD for about 15 minutes until his voice got below a certain decible level, I figured I could let him go, he was sweating and his poor little face was red and I was crying. I don't know what else to do. What am I doing wrong, why is he doing this? Am I doing everything I can do for him?

Turning Point!

I am an emotional mess today! The 2007 BFL Champions were announced today and I am genuinely happy for all of them, I received a phone call from the Service that is suppose to be providing me with 20 hours of Personal Assistance for my Son, which entails, personal hygiene like teaching him how to take a bath, help him potty train, brush his teeth and I am hoping his anger management. Don't know how many more holes in the walls I can take. Still feeling tired for some reason, really don't know why, feel a little run down, but completed my workout anyway~

My son got home at 2:30 and he got in the house and immediately started yelling for cookies, well I am not giving him cookies right away, he can have baked cheetos, baked chips, bananas, other fruits, etc... so he got mad and threw himself on the kitchen floor and in the middle of that, he managed to knock over about 5 puzzles that were sitting on the counter and of course, they all had about 10-20 pieces with EACH OF THEM! Yeah, they went everywhere, so I thought I would finish it off, and just tossed the whole darn thing on the floor and told Cameron I would HELP HIM OUT! Probably not the best thing to do, but I have had it! When I am tired I am not at my best, but I did not give in and give him that darn cookie, he got a BANANA! :)-

I wanted to cry, but then thought about everything and cried anyway. Figured it would get better and I would feel better if I did cry so I let it rip, then my help was late today. I just don't feel like doing anything today, thank God my workout is done! So I think it is a shake night with some boiled eggs!

Closing Week 3 out with a Kick in the Rump Roast Workout!

I FELT GREAT TODAY! Even though it didn't start out like that. My son decided to wake me up at 0415 this morning by swirming around in the bed, knocking all my covers off, etc until I got so mad, I just got up, WAY TOO EARLY! So as soon as I got his little rear end on that bus, my butt went back to bed! HAD TOO! Got up 2 hours later and felt great. Got to speak to Mike Harris, just love him, then I did my Pre-Calculus Homework and then...... hit my workout with some pented up hostility, I tell you! I TORE IT UP TODAY! My cardio was on it, and then my Upper Body! Just love working out to my JAMS on my IPOD! I was ROCKING it out today! Just because I looked funny in the mirrors wasn't enough for me to quit! I just sang to myself! SO THERE! :)- On to WEEK 4!

Now I am just updating on this post because I am not writing a whole new thread just to say that I am at the 9lb weight loss! I am sure it is from all the bad CARB loading I did prior to starting my BFL, so when I actually starting eating GOOD, it went into shock! :)- But it went up and down over the last 4 weeks and managed to be right on the money when I woke up the day before free day, and it was 9 lbs lighter! So that is a VICTORY to me!

When YOU make YOUR MARK IN LIFE!

There will always be someone there to try and steal it away or minimize it! Stand Tall Because YOU deserve to be there! I deserve to be there!

How to Handle haters:

A Hater is someone that is Jealous and envious and spends all their time trying to make you look small so they can look tall.When you make YOUR mark, you will always attract some haters... That's why you have to be careful who you share your blessings and your dreams with because some folk can't handle seeing YOU blessed. It's dangerous to be like somebody else...
If God wanted you to be like somebody else He would have given you what He gave them.
You don't know what people HAVE GONE THROUGH to get WHAT THEY HAVE.
The problem with HATERS is that they see YOUR GLORY, but they don't know your STORY.
If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, you can rest assured that the water bill is higher there too. :D

We've all got some haters among us: Some people don't like it that you can

*Come to church*Get your praise onhaters don't want to see you Happy*

Haters don't want to SEE YOU SUCCEED
Haters don't want you to get the VICTORY
Most of our haters are people that are supposed to be ON OUR SIDE.
How do you handle the haters who you at least expect to have your guard up against?

You can handle your haters by:

1. Knowing who you are and what you believe; who your TRUE FRIENDS are
2. Having a Purpose
3. By remembering what you have is by Divine Perogative and not Human Manipulation
PURPOSE does not mean having a job. You can have a job and still be unfulfilled.
A purpose is having a clear sense of what God has called you to be.
Your purpose is not defined by what OTHERS THINK ABOUT YOU.
You will always be trying to get stuff because the more stuff you have will not improved what others think about you, what others think will last as long as the stuff lasts

When God gives you a favor, you can tell your haters,
"Don't look at me...Look at who is in charge of me.

REMEMBER, IT AIN'T ABOUT YOU, BUT IT'S ALL ABOUT GOD.

Mystical Winter WonderLand! Just Beautiful!

Winter WonderLand at the Icenhour's House!

That's My Snow Baby! Man, he just didn't know what to do with this stuff!

Cameron's First Real Snow EVER!

Here is my Beautiful son in my front yard playing in his FIRST EVER SNOW! He couldn't figure out for the life of him what that "stuff" was but he was picking it up and rolling it up in a ball! I will take more pictures when it starts to pile up! What fun is this? WHAAAAAA HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Friggin Pissed and Overly Aggravated!

Man, the Flipping weather! If I had a NORMAL kid, I wouldn't be as pissed but I know "IT" is a coming! What I mean by that, is I have already gotten a dose of "my daily dose" from the last shot of snow and sleet that we got. Don't get me wrong, I love a pretty snow, so much as a kid and even more now, but anytime it snows or sleets and icing over on the roads, that means the state assistance for Cameron does not happen and I am trying my darnest to keep him "happy" ALL DAY! It is nothing about me and all about HIM.. so anyone doing a challenge, trying to eat right or even get some rest, well that all WENT STRAIGHT TO HELL IN A HAND BASKET! It took me pretty much until late afternoon to get my cardio in yesterday and it wasn't a "normal" cardio session, improvised but nonetheless, I got it done and felt good about it, but my son kept interrupting me and so in order to keep my heart rate up, I had to improvise and run around my main floor of my house, which is the living room, dining room, kitchen and entrance way about 20 times and each time I ran through where he was, he either threw a truck or train at me, jumped at my legs or yelled at me, guess I was "bothering" him! Go Figure! Man, life is just too hard some days, isn't it and today, well he has been very difficult to handle. He has had two meltdowns, thus resulted in more holes in my walls, made by his little trains, so his trains went up in the closet, and so he is very mad at me about that and spit at me... Yes, he spit at me. Well I have to get ready to do some math,,, write more later.

Update, it turned out that my tutor was able to show up and I got my quiz done and made a 88. Happy about that and got my workout in, so all in all, the mission was accomplished!

Made a Hard Decision today!

Every morning, my son and Rocky, my dog has a fight and one usually my son comes out with stratches. Now my dog is not mean at all, just big and my son, Cameron being autistic does not understand really how to treat animals. He can be rough and has hurt the dog by grabbing his groin area and squeezing really hard. Every morning, is so stressful and I am sad to say that I am going to give my dog Rocky to a new home. I have found someone, a Dad and son duo, whoes son is 13 and I am sure would be a great companion for Rocky. So today will be his last day in the house and I am in tears but I know it is the best for Cameron and my stress levels. Hope I am doing the right thing here.